He thinks it’s helping me cope with the Hogs’ Season of Discontent. I’m skeptical.
Next week I am supposed to work on no longer displacing my anger onto John L. Smith. My shrink agrees that the Hogs would at least be a more palatable 5-3 (ULM, Mississippi) if Paul Petrino had been a merely competent Offensive Coordinator this season. In the meantime, he says venting is healthy.
Who am I to go against doctor’s orders?
The only rules for this column are that the fake user names can’t be longer than 15 characters (but may or may not be registered, already), the Tweets cannot exceed 140 characters, and I have to end each one with a smarmy hash tag.
Washington at California: @ArborDay: Sark Huggers vs. Bark Huggers. #onesqueeze
Missouri at Florida: @MizzOops: Dorial Green-Beckham averaged 3.6 yards per grab on 7 catches last week. #hisnameislongerthanthat
Oklahoma at Iowa St.: @UpinflAmes: Big Game Bob has officially become Big Game Bomb. #5yearsago
Texas A&M at Mississippi St.: @BAC: New drinking game: Take a shot each time the announcers say “Johnny Football”. #ifyouhaveadeathwish
Vanderbilt at Kentucky: @Franklin&Wins: Explain to me why James Franklin shouldn’t be high on the Hogs’ Wish List. #don’tsleeponhim
Michigan at Minnesota: @LittleDebbie: The Men of the Land of 10,000 Lakes v. The Man of the Land of 10,000 Cakes. #Dessert4Breakfast
Troy at Tennessee: @NoSlack: Dooley probably needs to win out to survive. With Troy, Mizzou, Vandy & UK left, he might. #BobbyPetrinodoesnotlikethis
Tulsa at Arkansas: @CutMeLou: 22 Days Until the Season From Hell is over. #butwho’scounting
New Mexico St. at Auburn: ABigKiehlof$$: The Tigers shouldn’t be a 3+ TD favorite against Santa Fe High School. Load up. #KaChizing
Georgia Tech at Maryland: LBCya: Injuries are forcing the Terps to play a LB at QB this week. What’s Auburn’s excuse? #Turtlesareinthesoup
TCU at West Virginia: HangingBad: WVU is still ranked in both polls despite being outscored 104-28 the last 2 weeks and having the 118th-ranked defense in ’12. #recount
Mississippi at UGA: 50thState: Mississippi is one Freeze head scratcher vs. TAMU from a 3-game SEC win streak after losing 16 straight. #That’sHug(h)e
Pitt at Notre Dame: @Te’O–Yeah, You: ND’s magical season has to seem Too Short for the Irish. #OKTownBeatdown
Texas at Texas Tech: WeBeatKan’tsas!: Mack may be sacked if his defense doesn’t start recording a few. #BrownV.Bored
Nebraska at Michigan St. StrapUp: This might actually be an entertaining Big Ten game. #miraclesnevercease
Iowa at Indiana: LittleBigTen: I’d rather listen to “Pontoon” on a 3-hour loop than watch this game. #Mmmmcomatosin’
Illinois at Ohio St. @Ugh: Urban is poised to slither through an undefeated season. #goodthingtheywereCBusted
Oregon at USCW: @SlowLane: That was a good Kiffin bed soiling last week, Chuck, and I called it, brutha! #likeclockwork
Bama at LSU: @HoneyBadgered: Zach Mettenberger is averaging 177 YPG passing vs. teams NOT named Bama. #youdothemath
Oklahoma St. vs. Kansas St.: @Falco: Collin looks to make Eine Kleine Nachtmusik in Manhattan. #heishavingaclassicalseason