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Our long, (Razorback) National Nightmare is almost over.These Fake Tweets (and the knowledge that the Arkansas Razorbacks should have a new head football coach in the next 2-3 weeks) are all that keep me hanging on through to the bitter end of the 2012 College Football season.

The only rules for this column are that the fake user names can’t be longer than 15 characters (but may or may not be registered, already), the Tweets cannot exceed 140 characters, and I have to end each one with a smarmy hash tag. Let’s have some hateful fun.

Iowa at Michigan: @TheLifeofPica: Most ppl know Denard Robinson is nicknamed “Shoelace”. Most ppl don’t know it’s bc Brady Hoke ate it. “ #doubleknot

Northwestern at Michigan St.: @CountinSheep: I’d rather watch “You’ve Got Mail” on a week-long loop. #atleastitfeaturesMegRyanb4shebecameanalien

Arkansas at Mississippi St.: @TonyStarkville: Even Iron Man couldn’t heal Hog fans’ wounds. #buttherighthirecouldAvengethem

Alabama A&M at Auburn: @PayDirt: Only 4 FBS teams have scored fewer points than the War Damn Eagle Tigers. #$180,000doesn’tgoasfarasitusedto

USC at UCLA: @GregggggDoyel: When King Douche is fed up with your douchebaggery, you need to seek immediate help. #butnotfromyourDad

Wake Forest at Notre Dame: @PeaSoup: The Catholics figure to perform an exorcism on the Demon Deacons. #butBrianKellywillstillbetheonecursinglikeLindaBlair. (NSFW)

Mississipppi at LSU: @RebelFail: Two meltdowns in Oxford  have put Mr. Freeze’s Bowl plans on ice. #HolyVandyMania,Batman

Sam Houston St. at Texas A&M: @JohnnyNoseFB:  TAMU freshman phenom Johnny Manziel  is walking proof of the Jersey Factor. #please,Johnny,usetheScoobymask,too

Texas Tech at Oklahoma St.: @RedRaidEars: Losing to Kansas would have been a slap in the face to Tuberville’s hopes of escaping Lubbock. #SlapDashing

Ohio St. at Wisconsin: @TomUrban&Harry: Cheese Heads vs. another kind of head. #ajerkhead,ofcourse

Utah State at La Tech: @Cameron’sCrazy: Colby Cameron & La Tech think they can win “As Long As They’ve Got Each Other“. #MattPerry’spostFriendsworkshowsKirkmayhavehad1thingright

Oklahoma at West Virginia: @Flossin: The Men from the Land Of Few Trees v. The Men From the Land of Few Teeth. #TheirBarkisMuchWorseThanTheirBite

Syracuse at Missouri: @DGBLuvsOrange: After a breakout game last week, Dorial Green-Beckham shot up to 386th in the country in rec. yards. #&has4moreyardsthantheHogs’3rdstringQB

Tennessee at Vanderbilt: @Insult2Injury: Vandy is laying 4 points to the 4-win Vols. #andshouldbe

Kansas St. at Baylor: @Smooch: A QB that didn’t kiss his Wife ’til they were married vs. a Student Body that thinks it was too soon. #CeliBCSy

Samford at Kentucky: @yUK: UK might lose this game even if it was facing one dude named Sam Ford. #thePointSpreadis:”Finda12-StepProgram”

Stanford at Oregon: @UhO: Stanford alum Tiger Woods needs to step out of the Duck costume. Now. #DriveforshowPuddlesfortheO